Breathless
by Weffie
Summary: It's been 5 years since the Bladebreakers said their goodbyes and split. Now in New York, Hilary lives a broken fairytale, she's a drug addict. Will the reappearance of a fellow Russian teammate save her? Or will she lose everything?
1. The Beginning of the End

**The Beginning of the End – Chapter 1**

The breeze had started to cool down as the seasons once again changed all too soon. Autumn was bearing down upon the Northern Hemisphere, obvious in the shade of beige the leaves were turning on the trees.

It had been approximately 5 years since the Bladebreakers had won their last tournament and called it quits.

Tyson now holds Beyblade classes with Max, who took over his father's shop about a year ago. Kenny works in a laboratory at the moment; he recently graduated from the state's top university. Ray moved back to China and is known to be dating Mariah, who is expecting their first child. And Kai, last anyone heard, he had taken over his grandfather's company and was living in Russia.

And then there was me. Poor, defenseless Hilary who everyone thought never had a care in the world. That has always been a lie.

Here was my present state: I was lying in my bed in my cheap, ratty apartment staring at my ceiling. The paint was peeling off and the carpets all smelt so terrible. I could smell vomit and other bodily fluids that I don't want to think about.

I sat up in my bed, holding the sheet to my chest to cover my naked body. An arm wound itself around my waist as I was tugged against a body. I looked over at my boyfriend, Matthew. His dark brown hair was lazily spread out on the pillow as he lay snoring softly.

I detached myself from him and carefully made my way to the bathroom, ignoring the various bottles, needles and bongs on the floor.

Yes. I, Hilary Tachibana, was a drug-addict.

It all started a few years after we all split up. I was in college and things took a turn for the worse and I have never really recovered.

My life went from class president, college hopeful to check-out chick, drug addicted ex-Bladebreaker.

I walked into the bathroom and gazed at my reflection in the cracked mirror. Dark circles surrounded my brown eyes. My hair lay limp, the length almost reaching my waist. It was still the same dull color it has always been.

I looked almost broken.

I brushed my teeth and began searching for clothes, only succeeding in finding a short, black dress that hung off my small frame like an anorexic. I probably wasn't too far off anorexia anyways, maybe a pound or three.

I walked over to the bed and leaned down on it and shook my boyfriend.

"Matt, wake up. It's almost 1pm."

"… Mm… fuck off. 5 more minutes."

I sighed out loud and shook him again. "Wake up!"

His grey eyes opened and stared at me. "For fuck's sake. Fine I'm up." He threw the blankets back and climbed out of bed and began putting clothes on.

I waited for him to get ready. I walked over to the window and stared out into the New York City. The sky was grey and the rain fell softly against the window. Another dull day…

"Ok babe. Let's go. Now. I said now!"

I turned and followed him, making sure not to fall over in the process.

We didn't have a car. We couldn't afford one. Besides Matt lost his license last April from drink driving. He had crashed it around a tree and spent 3 days in hospital.

That was probably one of the reasons we were both too skinny, because we had to walk everywhere.

He grabbed my hand in an almost lovingly way and pulled me through the street, the two of us trying to hurry along to get out of the rain.

My dress clung to my body and make me look 10 pounds lighter, and not in a good way. I flicked my hair out of my face and narrowly avoided a puddle.

Fortunately, our destination wasn't that far away. Just 3 blocks actually. We stopped at a familiar house and knocked on the pale red door. I hugged my tiny body and tried to repress the shivers that threatened to take over.

The door opened to reveal a tall, lanky man with dirty blonde hair and green eyes.

"Hey Hil, Matt."

"Thomas." Matt nodded his head in a hello style of way and Thomas stood back and let us through.

We followed him through the hallway into the kitchen which had several pots on the floor to catch water that was leaking through the roof.

"So ma mates, what can I do for ya?"

I leaned forward slightly and pulled out a $50 dollar bill. "We need some stash, Tom."

He took the money from my tiny hands in a greedy way and pocketed it. "I'll be right back ay."

He left the kitchen and disappeared into a room which I knew was his bedroom. He emerged a few minutes later with a small package and handed it to us. I took the clear package which held my favorite white powder and I smiled at him. "Thanks Tom."

"No prob Hils."

Matt snatched the package from my hands and examined it. "This better be the good shit Thomas."

"It is Matt. Believe me."

"Hn. Come on Hilary, it's time to go."

We said our goodbyes and headed out into the rain again. I followed Matt into a familiar deserted area and we stopped in an empty alleyway. I watched him dig deep into his pocket and watched when he pulled out two needles and a tourniquet. He handed me the needle that had a "H" written on it in permanent marker and I took the tourniquet and tightened it around my left arm, just above the elbow.

Matt handed me the small, clear package and I put some of the white powder into the syringe. I sat down on a crate and ignoring the rain, I injected the needle into my skin and inserted the drug into my system, almost immediately feeling the familiar relaxing sensation take over my body.

I slumped back against the wall and I felt Matt take the tourniquet off me as I closed my eyes and let the drug flow through my body.

There was no fallacy in this broken fairytale. This was my life.

* * *

**Review people! Reviewing equals me wanting to write more equals faster updates :)**

**- Weffie**


	2. If It's Alright, I'll Lie Awake At Night

**If it's alright, I'll lie awake at night – Chapter 2**

Laughing loudly, Matt and I stumbled into our apartment at around 3am. Both drunk, we had spent another wild night on the town.

The city of New York was brightly lit, even for the middle of the night. I squealed as I tripped over a bucket and landed on a chair at an odd angle. I groaned in pain before laughing, the alcohol clouding my judgment and senses.

I felt arms wrap around my waist as I was pulled back into a chest. I giggled and turned and faced Matt before locking lips with him. He lifted me up onto his hips. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, my hands playing with pieces of his brown hair. I felt him shift and walk around the room before I felt the slight moment in the air as I fell onto the bed. I looked up at his lanky figure as he straddled my waist in a clumsy manner and begin tugging at my clothes. I lifted myself onto my hands and made it easy for him to pull my dress off. His hands explored my body and I forced a moan out, the fire and passion disappearing months ago.

I helped him out of his clothes and mentally admitted that he still looked gorgeous, especially in the moonlight filled room. I lied back and he fell on top of me and we kissed again. I felt him budge my legs open and thrust into my petite body. I knew it would be over in a few short minutes so I moaned, trying to make it as good as I could for his sake. I faked every minute of it as usual and after my predicted few minutes, he groaned and released into me before falling onto me. I stroked his hair and back and he rolled off me and within a few more minutes, his snoring filled the room and I spent my night staring at the ceiling in thought.

* * *

The next morning I woke up to an empty apartment. I fell out of my bed and cried out when I landed on a bottle. Picking myself up, I looked around. Usually Matt would be still here but he wasn't. Curiosity filled my body and I wondered where he could be.

I looked over at the clock on the wall and yelped as I realized I had to be at work in 11 minutes. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed my uniform which consisted of black pants and a red top.

Dressing quickly, I stumbled out my door and practically ran to work, which incidentally was Target.

I arrived just in time, about 42 seconds before my shift started. I was working behind the check out today as usual. It has a nice sound to it doesn't it? 'Hilary the Check-Out Chick… here to make your acquaintance'. God I was screwed up.

I began serving customers, forcing a smile onto my tired face. I hated acting cheery, it was just incredibly stupid. I had to stand here, looking basically anorexic and dead with a happy, cheery smile planted on my face.

I felt a presence come to my counter. Staring at the till, I faked it to the max.

"Hi! How are you today?" I looked up at the person and my eye widen at the familiar bluenette. He stood there, still taller than ever, staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights. Wow this wasn't good…

"Hilary…?"

I gulped and smiled a bit too fake. "Kai! How lovely to see you! Is this all today?" I motioned to his items and started scanning.

He didn't answer me however. His eyes seemed to be scanning me in a concerned manner and I felt a little self-conscious. I wanted to sink into the ground and hide.

"Hilary, what happened to you?"

"Nothing. That comes to $15.95"

"Bullcrap nothing. Look at you! Do you even eat?"

I raised an eyebrow trying to act cool. I knew he still spoke to the other Bladebreakers and I had no intentions of having to deal with them finding out about my life.

"Of course I eat. Now is that all? Do you have flybuys?"

"We need to talk."

I growled. "Kai I'm working here. People are waiting." In truth, there was only an old elderly lady waiting behind Kai. He turned to her. "Go to the next check-out please."

The old lady glanced at both of us and turned and left. Great.

"Kai why are you in New York? I thought you lived in Russia."

"I moved. My business is extending to here. Why do you look like you got hit by a 25 tonne truck?"

"I do not look like I got hit by anything." Okay maybe a little…

My manager walked past. "Is everything ok Hilary?" I nodded but before I could speak, Kai cut me off.

"What time does her shift finish?"

"Not for another 3 hours but she can have a break now since we are quiet." I glared at my manager and yelped as Kai grabbed his now paid items and dragged me out of the store.

"Kai! You cannot just grab me and pull me from work! I need the money!"

He stopped when we reached a park bench and sat me down. "No, what you need is food, and shampoo. What the fuck have you done to yourself?"

I sweat-dropped. For someone who spent the majority of his Beyblade career being an ice prince loner, he sure seemed to care a little too much for my liking now. If only he had cared this much all those years ago…

"That's none of your business!" I snapped. I was getting sick of this little game.

He raised his eyebrow at my bitchiness and sat down across from me. "Right Hilary, right."

He pulled out his phone and started dialing a number. "What are you doing?" I enquired.

"Calling Tyson" I reached over the table and grabbed his phone and stopped the dialing. "No! Why can't you just keep out of my business?!"

"Because Hilary, we have been trying to find you for 5 years. You took off to New York for college and we never heard from you again."

"Well yeah, I've been busy doing college stuff."

"Liar." I gaped at him. "I'm not lying!"

"What college do you go to then?"

I swallowed. "NYU"

"Yeah right Hilary. We called that college up and asked them. You dropped out of college 4 years ago and haven't been back since. So you ready to tell me the truth yet? Or are we still going to sit here and play this guessing game?"

I just stared at him. I was at a loss of words.

"Come on Hilary, just tell me."

"No."

He sighed and looked at me. I avoided his gaze and looked at the ground. A familiar male voice called out in the distance.

"Hilary!!" Both Kai and I looked up and I saw Matt coming towards us. Oh crap. He's probably the one person who could make this situation worse.

Kai stood up as he got closer. Matt stopped in front of us and looked at Kai. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Kai Hiwatari. Who are you?"

Matt looked over him. "Oh you're pretty boy Hiwatari. You use to be on that bey-spinning team with Hilary didn't you?"

Kai nodded slightly while glancing over him suspiciously. "You still haven't told me who you are."

"I'm Hilary's boyfriend." Matt glanced at me. "Babe I need money. You-know-who is threatening to break my legs."

I glanced over at Kai and cringed as his eye's widened at the situation. I looked back at Matt.

"Matt I haven't gotten paid yet. I'm in the middle of work. I don't get paid for another 3 days."

"Fuck! Great we are both fucked. You should work more fucking hours Hilary. You are getting so lazy recently." Forgetting Kai was there, I pushed Matt back. "You don't even have a job you fuckass! You rely on me to pay for everything! And where the fuck were you this morning?!"

"None of your fucking business bitch!"

"Hey!" Kai suddenly pushed Matt away from me. "Don't speak to her like that."

Matt glared at Kai dangerously. "Are you threatening me, blue boy?"

I stepped into the middle of them and put my hands on Matt's chest. "I'll get the money. I promise. Just go. I'll see you at home later."

"Hilary, don't give him a cent! Let him suffer the consequences." We both looked at Kai.

Matt smirked at him. "You think this doesn't affect Hilary? She's in this too. If we don't pay them, I get my legs broken again and she gets fuc-"

"Matt that's enough!" I cut him off. Kai didn't need to know that part of the conversation. However, by the look on Kai's face, I think he picked up the meaning.

"Matt, go home." I sighed and tried to reason with him again. Fortunately, he glared over at Kai and then me and turned around and walked off.

I slowly turned back around to face Kai. He looked angry, like Tyson had beaten him for the world Beyblading title or something.

"What the fuck was that about?"

"I told you not to get involved Kai. You wouldn't understand my life anymore."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his black leather wallet. He pulled out a business card and handed it to me. "Call me if you need anything. Please. And…" He opened his wallet and handed me a pile of dollar bills. "Use that money to help you." My eyes widened. "Kai I can't! There's over a thousand dollars here!"

"Just do it." He turned around and walked off, leaving me to stand there completely clueless and in shock.

I wanted to run to him and tell him to not leave me alone but I couldn't, I already knew I was going to pay tonight for what happened with Matt but at least I had comfort in knowing I had someone to turn to.

Too bad I have too much pride.

* * *

**Thank you to Em-Chan, bleeding-love91, Moonlight Serenity and lovesanime92 for reviewing :) This chapter is dedicated to you guys.**

**Please review!**

**- Weffie**


	3. Hole in the Head

**Hole in the Head - Chapter 3**

I returned to work to finish my shift. The last 3 hours were hard. I kept replaying Kai's words in my head. I couldn't figure out why he was here or why he cared. All those years he just remained cold and emotionless and it used to kill me inside. Now that he's here and caring, it's killing me all over again.

I dragged my feet on the way home from work. I knew Matt was going to be angry. He hates when I talk to other males; he automatically presumes I'm sleeping with them. Plus the fact that him and Kai argued doesn't help.

I paused when I reached my door to take a deep breath before I turned the knob and walked in. The room was dark and I couldn't see 2 metres in front of me. I thought for a moment that maybe he wasn't home since all the blinds and curtains were closed but then I heard his husky, masculine echo around the room.

"Have a good fuck?"

I spun around to find him sitting in a chair in the room. He switched on a light and I looked at him. He looked livid and I couldn't suppress the slight fear that I was feeling.

"I don't know what you are talking about Matt."

"Yeah right you whore. You fucked him, back then and now."

"No I didn't! I wish you'd stop being so judgmental."

Matt stood up and walked over to me in 2 strides. He wrapped his hand around my throat and squeezed it slightly, just enough to let me breathe.

"Don't speak to me like that! Now where is my money!?"

"I don't have it…"

His eyes darkened and I knew I was in shit. He dropped his hand from my throat and for a split second I thought he would calm down, but I was wrong. He lifted his fist and punched me across the face. I flew backwards and fell against the wall. I tried to lift myself up quickly but I couldn't move fast enough. He grabbed my arms and lifted me up roughly. I cried out slightly as I felt my arms beginning to bruise.

"Matt please stop…"

I tried to plead with him but he wouldn't listen. I smelt whiskey on his breath and I cringed as I remembered his violent streak every now and then when he drank whiskey. Secretly I wished that Kai was here to protect me with his strong arms.

I squealed in surprise when Matt threw me on the bed and began tearing at my clothes. I tried to kick him away but he was far too strong. I'm sure a 5 year old could beat me in my petite, fragile state.

"Matt no stop!" I yelled loudly, wishing someone would hear. I didn't want him to do this. This would count as rape. It wasn't the first time though that he's been drunk and tried to force himself on me.

He slapped me across my face and I fell silent as tears started to fall down my face. I finally gave up and just let him abuse me; physically, mentally and emotionally. I felt like nothing and he whispered those exact thoughts into my ear as he pushed into me over and over again roughly. I closed my eyes and willed for everything to just vanish and as usual, I lied there and wished that I was dead.

_xxxx_

I didn't wake until the next morning. I looked up at the clock and saw that I was 20 minutes late for work but I didn't make an effort to get up. I lied in bed enjoying the silent apartment. I had no idea where Matt was and at that moment I didn't care. I just didn't want him near me. This always seemed to happen though. We'd fight, he'd hurt me, he'd leave, I'd sulk, he'd come back and say he loves me and I'd forgive him. I can never work out why. I think it's because in my heart I know that no one else out there will have me and I should be grateful that Matt loves me.

The old Hilary would have told him where to stick it and have left, but she died a long time ago. Now all that's left is this broken, robotic girl who is me.

The phone kept ringing and I knew it was probably work wondering where I was. Right now I didn't care if I was fired. I was sick of my life. If I had the courage, I would have killed myself a long time ago but I was a coward.

I reached under my bed and pulled out a box. Opening it, I pulled out my syringe and some methamphetamine, also known as ice. I fixed it into my syringe and injected myself letting the cool, calm sensation wash through my body.

Inside I knew I was a junkie but it was just normal to me now. It was like my calming method whenever I was stressed or anxious.

I realized I hadn't eaten in days and my stomach grumbled to express that thought. I couldn't be bothered to eat. Even if I wanted to, I had no food in the apartment.

I jumped slightly as I heard a knock at the door. I ignored it, thinking that the person would go away and stop trying. However, the knocking continued, forcing me to get up and answer it.

I pulled open the door and prepared to tell the person where to go when I looked up and found Kai at my door.

My eyes widened, as did his as he took in my physical appearance, my face and body bruised. My first reaction was to close the door and I quickly tried to shut the door but Kai's foot prevented that and he pushed open the door and walked in. I sighed in defeat and shut the door.

I felt tears push against my eyelids and I forced myself not to cry. Kai just stood there examining me and I had the urge to run and hug him.

"What happened?" His concerned voice was like a comfort to me. It felt good to have someone who cared.

I stayed quiet and just stared at the floor. It was shaking under my eyes. I swayed gently before everything went black. Just before I closed my eyes, I felt strong arms catching me and everything went away.

_xxxx_

I heard myself groan as I blinked rapidly. I sat up and looked around. I couldn't recognize my surroundings. I was in a large pale blue room in a huge bed. I thought that maybe I was dreaming until the door opened, bringing me out of my thoughts. I watched as Kai walked in with a tray. He glanced over at me and headed over with the tray.

"How are you feeling?"

I couldn't be bothered ranting to him so I answered bluntly. "Fine."

"Hn."

God, I've missed those "Hn's".

He put the tray down on the bed next to me and my stomach grumbled when I found myself looking at mouth watering scrambled eggs. He pushed the plate at me.

"Eat. You are bordering anorexia."

I didn't say anything. Instead I started eating hungrily with my head down so I couldn't see him watching me.

I was perfectly content until he brought up the one thing I didn't want to talk about.

"How long have you been doing drugs for?"

I froze and stared at my plate. My mind went into a frenzy at what to say.

"Why would you think that I do drugs Kai?"

I looked up and saw his eyebrow shoot up. "Maybe because I found your syringe and drug stash?"

I sighed deeply and pushed the plate away. "Don't get involved Kai. This is my life. You wouldn't understand it."

"And you wouldn't understand how you hurt everyone back home would you?"

I felt a guilty stab in my heart at his words. "What do you mean?"

"When you left, everyone went into a depression. Max cried for days, Ray wouldn't speak to anyone, Kenny stayed in his room constantly and Tyson stopped eating. If that doesn't shock you than I don't know what will."

I hung my head in a shameful manner. "I'm sorry."

"Hilary." I looked up. "I might have seemed like a heartless bastard but I did care about you then and I still do. Now that my grandfather is dead, I'm free to think and feel as I wish. I want you to come back to Japan for a bit."

I was near crying as he did his speech. "I can't go back. It's too complicated."

"You're going back."

I didn't say anything. I knew he was right. I didn't have a choice. Half of me wanted to go back. I wanted acceptance and friends again. I want to feel loved and be happy. I nodded at him and sat back.

"Alright Kai. I'll do it."

* * *

**Yay an update! Sorry it took so long. I've been busy lately. I'm flying out of state tomorrow (to meet Em-Chan yay!) so I won't be updating for at least a week. Thank you to all my reviewers for reviewing the last chapter.**

**P.S This chapter was dedicated to lovesanime92 :) **

**Please review! **


	4. Dying Memories

I mentally cursed at agreeing to go back to Japan. I was sitting at the airport waiting to board our plane. Kai was next to me reading a newspaper. I sat fidgeting and twisting my hands. My body was craving drugs bad but I knew with Kai around that I wouldn't be getting any.

I heard a posh voice ring out over the terminal.

"Flight JAL-487 to Japan is now ready for boarding at Gate 25."

I heard Kai move next to me as he stood up and motioned for me to follow him to the gate entrance.

I secretly wondered why he was flying on a public plane. He seemed like one of those people who would have a private jet. He handed the flight attendant our tickets and they ushered us into the first class area. My eyes widened as I looked around. I'd never been in first class before. It was huge and roomy. I took my seat which was a window seat and I looked out at the runway and people inspecting the plane before take off.

"Miss would you like some champagne?"

I looked over and found a stewardess with a bottle of champagne staring at me in question.

"…Sure." She smiled and handed me a glass, which I took from her boney hand and sipped. I grimaced at the taste but I figured that if I had alcohol, it would stop my drug cravings slightly.

Kai looked at me and lowered his voice. "Are you having cravings?"

I glared at him in question. Is he a mind reader or something?

"Not really."

"Hilary, you don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

He turned his attention back to his newspaper which he had brought onto the plane and I heard the Captain announce we were about to take off and to make sure our seatbelts were fastened. I pulled the strap on my seatbelt and ignored the length of left over strap. It was a lot; probably more than normal.

The plane took off and I leant my head against the window and stared at the seat in front of me.

I heard Kai ask if I wanted anything to eat and I subconsciously shook my head. I didn't feel hungry anymore. I felt nauseated. I couldn't get over the events of lately and then something struck me.

"Kai, how did you find out where I lived?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Because I'm curious…"

"I bribed the manager at your work."

I blinked at him, wondering if that was a joke or not; knowing him probably not.

I was almost dozing off when I heard the Captain say the dreaded words I didn't want to hear.

"Cabin crew please prepare for landing."

I looked out the window and found myself staring down into the Japanese city. My nerves were shaking and I could feel Kai's unwanted stare on my skin. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face my past. I was ashamed of what I had become, yet at the same time I couldn't stop being what I was.

The plane touched down and Kai took my arm and gently pulled me through the crowd to where a black skyline was waiting with a guy in a tuxedo. He bowed his head slightly in respect to Kai and handed him a set of car keys.

"Here's your car, Mr. Hiwatari."

Kai took the keys and got into the car as the guy opened the door for me and let me in. I sat down on the comfy leather seats and pulled my seatbelt on.

I stared at the floor as I heard Kai fumble with the keys and start the car up. He pulled out of the car park and headed out of the airport terminal and into the stream of traffic that was Tokyo.

I watched my surroundings zoom past me out the window and I felt even sicker than before. I hung onto the seatbelt and tried to stop myself from hyperventilating as the area became familiar and I knew that I was getting closer to Tyson's dojo. Suddenly I wished I was back in New York as the car stopped and I knew I was back again.

"No backing out now, Hilary." I nodded shortly and watched as Kai opened the car door on my side and waited for me to step out. I hesitantly did so and looked around, afraid that someone would recognize me.

My feet didn't seem to move as Kai started walking towards the dojo. He stopped and looked back at my still frame and sighed and walked back.

"What are you afraid of?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Everything."

"You'll be fine. Trust me."

He grabbed my arm lightly and pulled me towards the dojo and onto the front verandah. He knocked on the door and I heard that annoying, familiar voice.

"Who is it?!"

"Who do you think it is, Tyson?"

"Holy shit guys, it's Kai!"

I heard footsteps as they moved towards the door and I stared at the ground as the door was opened.

"Kai! Sup ma- … Hilary?!"

I forced my head to look up and found myself staring at Tyson's face. I couldn't even force a smile so I just stood there taking in the situation.

Tyson's yell of my name had alerted the others and within seconds, I found myself staring at Max, Ray and Kenny as well. Their faces held a mixture of shock, happiness and depression. I knew I would be answering a lot of questions in the next hour.

Suddenly Max let out a cry and latched onto me. I stood still with my arms by my side, wondering what to do. Max pulled back and looked down at me.

"Why are you so small? You need sugar in you!"

I think what scared them the most was my lack of response. I didn't want to talk at all. I just stood there like a mannequin looking dangerously underweight and fragile.

Ray moved Max away and hugged me too in his brotherly way. Kenny hugged both of us in a group hug movement and I fought back the urge to cry.

They all moved away and ushered me into Tyson's dojo and into his lounge room. I sat down on his couch and the rest sat down and all looked at me.

I hugged myself tightly feeling very awkward under their stares. It was like they were evaluating me and trying to read my mind. I'm glad they couldn't because all I wanted at that moment was to go home and get my stash.

Kai was the first to speak during the silence.

"You going to tell them Hilary or should I?"

I looked up and glared at him. I wish he would just keep out of my life. I never thought I'd end up back here and I had finally accepted that and now here I was.

"There isn't anything to tell."

"Then why would you turn up here covered in bruises and dangerously underweight? You look dead Hil…" I glanced over at Ray and meet his concerned face and cringed.

"You wouldn't understand…"

"Why not?!" Tyson demanded.

I sighed and kept hugging myself. "It's complicated."

Max pouted cutely. "Try Hil-Chan…"

"No" I stood up. "Coming back here was a mistake. I didn't plan to come back here ever! I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's all in the past. I'm not your future anymore."

I ran out of the room and went to leave the dojo when everything starting shaking again. I felt like I couldn't breathe as my eyes rolled back into my head and everything went black.

_xxxx_

"She's anorexic isn't she?"

My head felt like lead and I didn't have the strength to even open my eyes. I heard movements and voices around me.

"Yes she is. That's why she collapsed."

No it wasn't. I was perfectly fine. I wanted to say that out loud but I couldn't, my body failed to move.

"Why would she become like this?"

"I don't know Maxie. I just don't know."

I used all the force I could muster to open my eyes and instantly all of the boys looked over at me in worry.

"Are you okay, Hil?"

I pushed myself up slightly but fell back. My limbs were shaking violently; I wanted drugs. No, I needed them.

I breathed out shakily and looked at Kai.

"Where are they?" I asked calmly, knowing he would know. He was the last one to have them since he found them.

"No Hilary."

"I want them right now Kai. Fucking give them to me!"

The other 4 stepped back in shock at my mood and looked at Kai in question.

"She's having withdrawals."

"FUCKING GIVE THEM TO ME!"

I flung myself from the bed and landed on the floor in a heap. Max and Tyson went to grab me but were stopped when Kai yelled not to go near me.

"But Kai she's hurt!"

"What the hell is she having withdrawals from?!"

"Heroine, Tyson. She's a drug addict."

I heard 4 gasps and Max started crying. "No she isn't! Hilary wouldn't do that!!"

"She is. She's going cold turkey right now, so if you plan on keeping all your body parts, don't go near her."

I felt myself burst into tears as I rocked back and forth on the floor. My body was shaking and I felt like my limbs were going to explode. I couldn't breathe properly and I felt utterly fucked beyond anything.

I felt strong arms pick me up and put me on the bed again. I was too busy sobbing to notice my wrists being restrained by rope.

All I wanted at that moment was to die.

_xxxx_

By the next morning the withdrawals had subsided enough to let me think clearly. I had spent the night crying and screaming and trying to break free. Only when I was calm enough did the guys let me go from the restraints.

They hugged me and sat me down at the table and tried to feed me bucket loads of food which I wouldn't eat. I was so use to not eating that I didn't want food.

All of them were acting awkward towards me and I knew that they had been talking about me when I was sleeping.

Ray took my hand gently and I looked at him in question.

"Hil…we want you to do something for us."

"What?..." I didn't like the sound of that.

"We want you to go to rehab."

* * *

**Thanks to all that reviewed the last chapter :) **

**Please review this chapter! It's much appreciated! **

**- Weffie **


	5. Side Effects

* * *

**Wow it's been awhile since I updated. Sorry about that! Classwork has totally got me busy! Anyways I'm on school holidays at the moment so I'll try and update as much as possible! As promised to two of my lovely girls, this chapter is dedicated to Em-Chan and Kails... without you guys I wouldn't be able to write!**

* * *

**Side Effects – Chapter 5**

Rehab… the word echoed in my ears loudly. I blinked at them in innocent confusion. Why the fuck would I need to go to a rehabilitation centre? There was nothing wrong with me! I was just having a few cravings. And all this nonsense about me being underweight was bullshit! What did they expect when I was broke?

I stared at Ray and raised an eyebrow.

"Rehab? I don't think so Ray. I think you are all delusional."

I heard Ray and Kai sigh at my stubbornness. I yelped when strong arms grabbed me and dragged me over to a pair of scales. I grumbled out protests as I was stood onto scales.

Max lent down and poked the scale reading. "88…that's not right is it? I think it's broken."

"No they aren't broken. Tyson was on there this morning, remember?"

I stomped my foot angrily on the scales. "Stop making this out to be a big deal! There is _nothing _wrong with me!"

Kai grabbed my arm tightly and I yelped loudly again. "Nothing wrong? You are anorexic, Hilary! If you lose anymore weight you will die!"

I blinked at him and tried to pull my arm away unsuccessfully. "Well! Maybe I want to die! It's better than having to deal with you fuckfaces!"

I heard 5 gasps of surprise and Kai let go of my arm. Taking advantage of the situation, I ran out of the room as fast as I could. I ran out of the Tyson's dojo as fast as my legs would allow me too and I didn't look back. I wanted to get away from them.

Panting loudly, I lent over some rails as I tried to catch my breath. My back heaved and my eyes closed as I tried to take in oxygen, my tiny body struggling.

I was so distracted that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me and the sniggering. I jumped slightly when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Spinning around, I looked up and found myself looking at a tall dark, haired man with vibrant green eyes. He smiled at me almost innocently and looked me up and down.

"Hey babe, how'd you like to make some money?"

Money? Money that could get me home? Sounded good to me.

I smiled at him and ran my boney hand up his chest. "Sounds good, sugar."

**xxxx**

The sound of my clothes hitting the floor reached my ears. I had been escorted back to the guy's house, whose name was still unclear to me. I felt stubble brush against my cheek as his lips fell onto mine. I kissed him back half-heartedly, thinking how much I'd rather it be Kai kissing me. I was so obsessed with Kai's lips; those soft and full lips. I wish Kai loved me as much as I loved him. Maybe if he did, I wouldn't have run away from everything and became what I did.

I reached my hands up to undo the guy's clothing. He wasn't anywhere as near as gorgeous as Kai or Matt but he had a really good body. He definitely worked out and he had a nice collection of tattoos coming along. He wasn't bulky but I could see the outline contours of muscles and I traced them with my finger gently. His skin twitched under my touch and he leant down and bit my neck playfully.

I felt his rough hands grip my hips harshly. I was sure there would be bruises there. I was suddenly aware that we were both naked. His nails dug into my boney hips leaving half moon marks and I was jerked forward closer to him.

I closed my eyes pretending that I was with someone else and not this stranger who was using me as a whore.

I back ached as he thrust forward into my petite body. He wasn't gentle. I didn't expect him to be. He was using me for his own selfish pleasure so I had to deal with it.

I made a noise of pain when he grabbed my breast roughly. However he took it for a moan of pleasure. He leant down and licked my ear.

"That's it baby, moan for me. Say my name, say Tim."

My eyes screwed up from the pain… the physical and emotional. "T-Tim…"

I heard him groan and he started thrusting harder and deeper into my tiny body. I felt like I was about to break but the thoughts of getting away from all this kept me going. I would be home soon, away from questions, away from disappointment… I'd have my drugs back.

I felt Tim jerk into my body as he came, a loud groan echoing around the room. It was finally over. I gasped when he collapsed on my body, his weight crushing me. He weighed a tonne in comparison to me and my body struggled to breathe. Using all my strength, I pushed him off me and he rolled next to me.

Tim sat up and reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out his wallet. I saw him pull out some cash and watched as he threw it at me.

"There, now leave. My wife will be home soon."

I felt disgust run through my veins at his words and I quickly got dressed and left.

**xxxx**

"Can I please have a seat to New York?"

The airline employee looked at me and flashed a fake smile my way. "Sure. That will be 150."

I handed her the cash and waited while she typed on her little computer before handing me a ticket. "Do you have any luggage?"

I shook my head and grabbed my ticket and headed towards the gate I was allocated to. People kept looking at me and I was sure they knew everything about me and how disgusting I was. It was like they could see into my soul through my dead eyes and they knew I was fucked up.

I took a seat at the gate and stared at the floor immensely. This is what I had become; a drug addicted girl who was severely underweight and didn't have a conscience since sleeping with other people's spouses wasn't a problem.

I was weak. There was no doubt about it. If I was strong, I would have stuck college out and I wouldn't be in this mess. This beautiful, fucked up mess that was called Hilary.

**xxxx**

I boarded the plane and a few hours lately we touched down at a familiar place. I was home and it felt good, yet terrible at the same time.

I still have a bit of money left over so I hailed a cab from the airport and told the driver my apartment address.

"So did you have fun on your trip?"

I looked up at the driver. "What?"

"Your trip. Did you have fun?"

I blinked and mentally sighed realizing he was trying to make conversation. "Sure. It was great."

"Oh that's good to hear!" The driver was an old man who looked like he was a good man but I just didn't want to speak. Every time I had to lie, it made me feel worse and worse about myself and made me realize just how much of a lie my life was.

Luckily, the rest of the ride I just had to nod and listen to the man, who I found out was James, as he gave me a detailed account of his life. Sounded like he was truly happy and for that I was envious.

He pulled up outside my apartment and I handed him the change and headed out of the cab before I could find out what happened with his sister's best friend's brother's girlfriend.

I got lucky as a neighbor came out as I was going in so I wouldn't have to buzz anyone. I climbed the stairs to the correct floor and I headed down the corridor to my door. I stood motionless at my door for a few moments before plucking up the courage and knocking softly. I heard cursing come from inside and footsteps before the door flung open to reveal Matt. He was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts and had messier hair than normal.

Matt looked down at me and I was suddenly pulled into a hug. "Oh Hil! I've been so worried." I was pulled inside and I heard the door close. Matt fell to his knees and grabbed my hands.

"I'm so sorry baby. I love you so much. I can change. Please forgive me."

As usual, I nodded and forgave him like that. "It's okay Matty." In truth, it wasn't okay but a little white lie never hurt anyone… right?

Matt stood up and planted a soft kiss on my lips and I kissed him back with the little strength I had left. He smiled and hugged me tightly and I could feel my bones pressing into him. It should have disturbed me but it didn't.

I pulled back slightly and looked at him. "Matt, let's go see Tom."

**xxxx**

Knocking on the pale red door, we waited for a few moments before it was opened and Tom stood before us in a pair of boxer shorts and a wife beater.

"Hil! Matt! How good to see you"

I forced a smile and walked in and headed to the kitchen as usual. Matt sat down on a chair and pulled me onto his lap as an affectionate gesture. I leant back into him as tom walked into the kitchen and sat down across from us.

"Well my homies, what can I do for you?"

I pulled out the remaining amount of money that Matt and I had between us and handed it over to Tom.

"You know the drill."

Tom nodded before disappearing to get our goods. He returned within a few moments and handed me a small package which I took greedily. I was craving drugs so bad right now. I didn't care that they were bad for me, I didn't care that I had forgiven Matt after he beat and raped me, I didn't care that I had lost my friends again. All that mattered was this small package in my hands. It gave me power and control and that's what I loved about it.

I stood up and smiled at Tom. Matt stood up behind me and grabbed my hand almost lovingly before pulling me out of the kitchen.

"See you Thomas."

"Bye Matt, seeya Hil!"

I waved at him as I followed Matt back down the corridor and out the door. Memories of the last few days began to fade as my life fell back into its usual routine. Still in a daze, Matt led me back to the apartment and I fell onto the bed in an exhausted heap. I felt dirty and broken. I heard Matt give an annoyed grunt.

"I can't find the syringes."

I mentally sighed and knew exactly who had them. I sat up and grabbed the drugs.

"Don't worry about them. Let's just snort it."

Matt nodded and I set the drugs up in lines on some paper. Leaning down, I snorted the lines. My body immediately felt like it was exploding in pleasure. It relaxed and once I had finished my lines, I fell back on the bed again and stared at the ceiling, a goofy smile planted on my face. This was my idea of happiness.


	6. Free Falling

Chapter 6 – Free Falling

Two months had passed since I had returned and things were almost normal again. I had accepted the fact that this was who I was always going to be whether I liked it or not. The Bladebreakers hadn't tried to contact me and I was fine with that.

Spring was just around the corner and even though it was raining constantly, the smell of change was in the air; and that piece of change was in my hand.

I stared at the cross on the little stick with wide eyes. A thousand thoughts were running through my head. I couldn't understand it and I didn't want to accept it.

I stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Matt looked up from the couch.

"What's with the dumb ass look?" He noticed I had something in my hand so curiosity got the better of him and he came over to look. He threw one disgusted look at the stick and me and took a step back.

"Oh fuck no. Fuck that shit." He sat back down on the couch. "Get rid of it."

"I…" I didn't know what to say. My mind was still trying to process what was happening. I sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. Matt grabbed a bourbon out of the bar fridge and cracked it open.

"Hilary; you don't want a child. Trust me. They are just … argh. Now the proper way is so expensive so how did you want to do this? Punching… down the stairs?"

My eyes widened in fear. I realized how much shit I was in. It was no joke; Matt was serious and would probably do anything to make sure he got his way.

"I'm going to go to the clinic to make sure that the test isn't lying before we do anything…"

"Whatever Hils, don't be long. I'm hungry."

I grabbed my purse, shoved the test in and headed out the door. I walked the seven blocks to our local clinic and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

xxx

"Congratulations Hilary, you are about two and a half months pregnant. You need to gain some weight so the baby is healthy. You are so small."

The nurse looked like she was thinking I was the biggest loser ever and possibly a slut. What could I say to her?

"Thanks… I don't know if I'll be keeping it though."

The nurse pursed her lips and went to her draws and pulled out a brochure and handed it to me. "Here's some information on abortions. You could also consider adoption. Maybe it's for the best anyways."

I held back tears, nodded and grabbed my purse. "Thanks."

I headed out of the clinic. Everyone thought I wasn't fit to be a mother and I had to agree with them. But I couldn't deny that there was something inside of me that was mine. I had two choices; to go home or go on with how things were. I didn't know how to do this…

Xxx

I took a deep breath as I faced the door. I didn't want to face him but I had little choice. I wiped my eyes and knocked. I had shuffling, groaning and a few curse words. I took a step back as the door opened.

"Wha-Hilary?"

I looked up at auburn eyes and I felt hot tears threatened my own as he stood back to let me in. I walked in and waited for him to speak.

"Hilary, what are you doing here? I thought you would be in New York still."

Kai stood before me in a pair of track pants, shirtless and with a concerned look on his face. It was weird seeing it and I had to stop my cheeks burning when I realized how good he looked. After all, he couldn't say the same about me.

"I need… " I didn't want to say the word 'help'. It seemed too needy and it was admitting I was in trouble. I bit my tongue and looked at him, silently pleading for him to understand without making me say it.

Kai nodded and took my bags from me. "You look like you've gained a bit of weight. That's good."

I felt tears again and this time I couldn't stop them. They slid down my cheeks and I covered my face in my hands and cried. How could I have let things get this bad?

Kai pulled a look of concern and pulled me against his chest. I shifted in the warmth as my cheeks blazed red. It was the first time I had ever been in his arms and I had to admit, it made me feel safe and for the first time, it felt like things would be okay.

"I'm pregnant." I mumbled against his chest. Kai tilted his head. "I didn't catch that properly."

I cleared my throat and pulled back slightly and found my feet were suddenly very interesting.

"I'm… pregnant."

Shell shock took over Kai's face and nothing was said from either of us for the next few minutes. We both absorbed this information and I could feel my fear returning slowly. Kai exhaled loudly before speaking.

"How far along are you?"

"Two and a half months."

Kai led me over to the couch and we sat down. He pulled out his phone and began texting. I panicked.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

Kai threw me a glance. "I'm sending the others a message asking to meet me tomorrow. You need all the support you can get."

I ran a hand through my hair. I was scared, confused but for the first time in a while, not alone.

"Stay here tonight and have a good sleep. We'll work things out tomorrow."

I looked up at Kai and nodded. "He doesn't know I left…"

Kai's eyes narrowed slightly. "He doesn't need to know. You don't need him, Hilary. I can see the bruises that are almost faded and I know that things wouldn't be like this for you if it wasn't for him. You need to leave him; permanently."

I hugged my knees tight and stayed quiet. I knew he was right but how could I admit I was wrong for so long? My ego and body may be broken but my pride wasn't.

Kai seemed to sense this and didn't push it any further. "You can sleep in my bed and I'll take the couch."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I'll stay on the couch. It's better than what I'm used to anyways."

"Chivalry might be dead in most cultures, but not in this house. You'll take the bed and rest."

I sighed, admitting defeat and stood up. I grabbed my bag and headed into Kai's bedroom, hearing his footsteps behind me.

"Do they hate me?"

"Don't be stupid, Hilary. You made some bad choices, none of us hate you. We are just worried."

I muffled a yawn, the events of the past few days finally catching up to me.

"If you need anything, just ask. Goodnight Hilary."

I laid down on the bed, my eyes immediately becoming heavy.

"Goodnight Kai" was all I managed to utter before the darkness took me.

Xxx

His face loomed in and out as he hit me mercilessly. I screamed out, begging him to stop but he just laughed. I begged my body to go numb but I felt everything. His fists were everywhere; my face, my stomach, anywhere he could reach.

I felt a kick in my stomach and knew the baby was trying to defend itself. Then it stopped. The movement inside my stomach stopped and I knew it was over. He had gotten his wish. Tears poured from my eyes and I hoped he would leave now. My fears resurfaced when I heard his belt unbuckle.

"It's time to pay, Hilary."

Xxx

I shot up in the bed. The blankets were twisted and damp with my sweat. I had tears pouring out from the nightmare. I cried and I couldn't stop. It felt so real and I knew that if Matt had his way, the scenario would happen in real life.

I hugged my knees and sobbed so loud I didn't hear the door open and the footsteps enter the room. I felt myself being pulled against a chest and the gesture calmed me slightly, but being a paradox; made me cry even more. I couldn't understand that with all the horrible things I had done and who I had become, anyone would even care still.

I don't know how long we stayed like that for, time was irrelevant. All I knew was Kai was not the same person I knew all those years ago. Time had changed him. Or maybe I just never noticed his true personality until now. Maybe it was me that time had changed.

My eyes became heavy again but the nightmare was still playing in my mind. "Stay with me." I pleaded to him quietly. I felt him shift us and my head connected with a pillow. Kai laid down beside me and ignoring my embarrassment, I shifted myself against him. I just wanted to be close to someone. I relaxed when I felt his arm snake around my waist, holding me protectively. It was then, and only then, did I finally fall back into a dreamless slumber where pain did not exist.

Xxx

Sunlight filled the room and I groaned and tried to cover my eyes. I rolled over to escape but found myself against a shirtless chiselled chest. I opened my eyes and felt my cheeks burn as I stared at the chest in front of me. For a moment there, I could have sworn the last day was a dream and I'd wake up and find myself in my miniscule apartment.

I braved it and looked up and found myself caught in Kai's gaze. His auburn eyes stared straight into me, as if he was searching for something.

"Are you hungry?"

I nodded. "Extremely. How long have you been awake for?"

Kai sat up and hoped out of the bed. "About half hour. I'll make us some breakfast."

Wiping my cheek, my hand wiped traces of my ruined mascara. "Can I have a shower?"

Kai motioned towards an adjoining door. "Just through there. There's fresh towels in the cabinet in there. I'll be in the kitchen."

I watched him leave and ran a hand through my messy locks before heading into the bathroom to freshen up.

When I finished, I followed the smell into the kitchen where I was greeted with fresh pancakes that made my stomach growl. Kai looked over and handed me a plate. "I hope this suffices."

"Are you kidding? I haven't had pancakes since we all went to that pancake house in little China town ages ago." I followed him into the lounge room where I plopped myself onto the couch and began eating greedily. I couldn't remember when I had eaten such good food. I was so into it that when a knock at the door sounded, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Kai placed his utensils down and jumped up and opened the door. I heard Tyson's groan of annoyance. "Okay Kai, what is so important that you made me get out of bed this early?" I watched him stand back so I was in view. I heard four gasps of surprise and I saw a mass of blonde hair run towards me and tackle me.

"Hilary you're back! I knew you loved us still!"

I managed a sheepish sad smile. "You honestly thought I would stop loving you guys? You are my family."

Ray, Kenny and Tyson joined Max and I found myself in a five way hug. I fought back the urge to cry and instead did something I hadn't done for a long time; I laughed. Not because it was funny, but more ironic. Why is it that the people you hurt the most are the ones that stay by your side through everything?

They pulled back slightly and I felt the hair being pushed off my face and behind my ear by Ray. I placed my head on his shoulder and embraced the comfort. His face turned to concern. "Are you still doing drugs?"

I went quiet. I hadn't even thought of them since I had received my news and now my body started flaring up as if reminding me that I needed a hit. I bit my lip and ignored the cravings. "I don't want them anymore."

I looked up at Kai who was standing a few feet away, arms folded, watching us with an amused look. He nodded and gave me the clear that things were okay.

I took a deep breath. "I'm… having a little beyblader."

Silence took over the room as they absorbed the news. Ray was the first to recover. "As in… a baby?"

I nodded. "Yeah, a … baby." That word sounded so strange to me.

Max was the first to break the stunned silence. "Oh my god a baby! I love babies!"

Tyson grinned. "Finally might have some real competition now. You guys are just getting old."

Kai wacked Tyson over the head which earned a yelp. Kenny put his hand on my belly. "Are you okay with it?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter what I want anymore. Someone else's needs come first now."

Ray pulled me into a hug. "We've with you no matter what. When are you due?"

"Middle of December. Just in time for Christmas."

Max grabbed my hands and made me look at him. "Hil, you aren't going back to that guy are you? Please don't go again. We can look after you and be a family again."

I felt my heart ache and pound against my chest. I realized just how much pain I had caused them. I pulled Max into a hug. "I'm not going anywhere, Maxxy. I promise."


	7. Part of Me

**Chapter 7 – Part of Me**

I was now almost 5 months pregnant and if I might add, huge. I had gone from 88 pounds to 120 pounds and the boys had made sure I was on a strict healthy diet for the baby's sake. Max wanted to load me up with sugar but the other guys had outvoted him.

I was perched in front of the television watching Titanic when Tyson ran into the room.

"Hil! Mariah's in labour!"

Mariah had moved here to be closer with Ray since he had decided to stay and us girls had bonded so to speak over the last few weeks.

"Really? The baby's coming?"

"Yes! We are going to the hospital now. Apparently she's progressing quickly. Want to come?"

I nodded and I got myself up. I grabbed my handbag and followed Tyson to the car.

"The other's will be meeting us there. They got the call while shopping."

I strapped myself in with my seat belt as Tyson drove. "Will Kai be there?"

"I should think so, Hil. He and Ray are pretty close these days. What's going on with you guys anyways?"

I gulped. "What does that mean?"

Tyson grinned at me. "You serious? You look at him like he's a god or something."

"We're friends, Tyson. He got me out of New York."

"Right. If you say so."

I punched him in the arm which earned a yelp and I sat back in the sit as we drove. I could feel the old me slowing coming back more and more each day. I watched as we pulled into the hospital and parked. I climbed out and waddled with Tyson to the entrance of the maternity unit. I spotted Max, Kenny and Kai sitting down talking and assumed Ray was in the delivery suite with Mariah.

Tyson snuck up behind Max and nudged him. "Yo!"

They looked at us and Max, Kenny and Tyson started talking and as I finally arrived after a great deal of waddling from my small frame, I could feel Kai's eyes burning into me. I looked up at him and our eyes locked and I automatically sat down next to him. I placed a hand on my stomach and casually looked around the waiting area. The walls were pale pink and there were stalks and photos of babies everywhere. I felt a shot of nervousness hit me as well as a shot of excitement. In 4 months I would be a mother too.

I heard a loud scream from Mariah and I clung to my chair. Okay that did not sound fun. I looked at the other guys as they paled. "I'm going to take a walk."

Kai stood up with me. "I'll join you."

Another scream had Max practically in Tyson's arms. "Is she okay?!"

Kai sighed. "Max, she's pushing a watermelon through a key hole, what do you think?"

I twitched and started walking down the corridor. Few short strides and Kai was by my side. "Are you alright?"

I nodded once. "Super. Just gives me a lot to look forward to."

"You will do fine, I know you will."

I stopped outside in the garden and sat down on a bench. Kai sat next to me and I felt my heart jolt. I think someone else felt it jolt too because a mere moment later I felt a kick against my stomach. I gasped and placed my hand on my stomach. Kai frowned and moved closer. "Hil, what's wrong?"

I looked at him and grabbed his hand and placed it under mine. His brow furrowed until he felt the kick against his hand. The former ice prince melted to say the least. A sparkle appeared in his eyes and the corners of his mouth turned ever so slightly upwards. "Wow." The only word he could muster.

Before I knew what had come over me, our eyes locked and I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. I had never taken such a bold gesture before and my heart pounded. Our hands still laid on my stomach and I felt his lips move against mine for a brief second before he pulled back. "Hilary, what are you doing?"

"I… " No words. Though the pounding in my chest suddenly felt like a knife had replaced it.

Kai gently removed his hand from mine. "I'm sorry Hilary. I can't do that."

I held back tears as I nodded. "I'm sorry too. I've got to go."

I stood up and Kai grabbed my hand but I pulled it back. "It's fine. I just need to go for a walk."

I powerwalked off and held back the tears that were fighting against my eye lids to fall down my cheeks. How could I be so stupid? I would never be good enough for him. The only person who wanted me was Matt and he certainly didn't deserve me either. I walked and walked until I ended up in the markets across the street. Stalls and stalls of goods and food lined up in rows and I walked along in a daze, not really quite sure where I was going. It wasn't until I felt a hand grab mine from behind that I came too. My heart pounded and as I turned around, I was greeted with someone; but not the person I was expecting or hoping to see.

"Matt…"

"Hello Hilary. Let's take a walk."

**xxxx**

My heart pounded heavily against my rib cage as I was forcefully dragged to a quieter part of the street. He turned into a deserted alley way and I resisted the urge to scream or attempt to run. He stopped and I leaned back against the brick wall.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"That's none of your business. How dare you up and leave me? Where the hell have you been the last 2 months?"

My hands were placed protectively over my stomach and it only took a second for Matt to realize that. He looked down and grabbed my arms and pulled them away from my stomach. He gazed at my protruding mound and looked back at me. "What are you still doing with that brat in you? I told you to get rid of it!?"

"It's my baby, Matt. It's none of your concern!"

Slap. My head turned sharply and my hair fell over my face.

"How dare you speak to me like that? I've looked after you for 4 years and provided for you and this is how you repay me you filthy whore?"

I started to panic. I didn't care about my safety but my little one deserved a chance at life. If anything happened, it would be all my fault; the kicking… the kiss… the walking off. No one knew where I was and I knew I was in more trouble than ever.

"Okay I'm sorry. Please don't hurt us, Matt."

Matt's face twisted in disgust. "Us? You are despicable Hilary. That's my child and I deserve a say in the matter but selfish you left New York to run back to your blue haired lover."

I felt the tears finally spill over my cheeks as I tried to plead with him. "Please don't hurt him, Matt. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but please let him live."

Matt let my arms go and I thought for a second he was going to be humane until he punched me in the face. I stumbled sideways and tried to grab the wall for support.

"You will come back to me, Hilary. That's an order. You will honour me as a girlfriend should. I will not have you running about having an affair with some old flame with our bastard child inside of you."

My hands clung to my sides, folded, in an attempt to protect my child from this monster that had helped create him. Matt's eyes darkened as he stalked towards me and in a subconscious movement, I picked up a crowbar that was near the wall and hit him with it. I hit him as hard as I could and the blow struck his chest. He wheezed and stumbled back and in a split second as I tried to run around him, he grabbed my arm and ripped me back. I fell against the wall again, my head smashing into the bricks hard. I swear I could see stars. I opened my eyes to see Matt with the crowbar in his hand and in a last effort to save us, I turned towards the wall as he swung the crowbar at me. The bar connected with my ribs and as I fell to the ground, everything started to go black and the last thing I could remember is the kicking coming from inside my stomach and my hands clutched protectively as the world went black.

**xxxx**

The pain was blinding. I could barely open my eyes. I couldn't be dead because the pain was a reminder that I was alive. I tried to move, speak, anything but nothing happened. I tried to concentrate on my stomach but couldn't feel anything. What was happening?

I felt a hand touch mine and I jolted slightly until a familiar voice filled the air.

"Hilary, you're safe. Just stay still. Try and get some rest." Kai…

I wanted to scream at him, ask him about my baby, ask him where I was but my mind was immobilized. I heard whispers and movements against my other hand and I felt a cold substance flow up my arm before the pain started to vanish and the world went black again.

**xxxx**

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself staring at a white roof. Machines beeped around me and I blinked a few times before looking around. I found myself looking at a sleeping Tyson who was in a chair next to me, his mouth open and omitting snores. I smiled slightly before nudging him with my hand.

"Wha… fuck off." He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Oh Hil, you're awake. We've been so worried."

"Tyson…" My mind flooded with memories of the alley way, Matt and the baby. I tried to sit up but the pain stopped me. Tyson jumped up and grabbed my shoulders gently. "Relax. You're quite injured."

I ignored him. Who gives a fuck about me? "Tyson, the baby…"

Tyson smiled. "She's fine, Hil."

She… I looked at him. "A girl?"

"Yup a baby girl. Shame because I was hoping to get a name in there."

I touched my stomach and felt a sigh of relief to feel the bump still there. "She's okay…"

Tyson sighed. "She is, but you're not. One of your side ribs are broken and you had a minor case of internal bleeding. If you had been hit any closer to the front, you and the baby would have died."

"What happened?"

Tyson frowned. "We were hoping you would tell us. Some lady found you near Kowaire Street in an alley way."

"It doesn't matter. Mariah, how is she?"

Tyson's face lit up. "A healthy boy! A Mr Samual Ray Kon."

I smiled. "When can I see them?"

"Well the doctor said when you woke up, if your healing had progressed and you felt alright you might be able to go but under surveillance. We were discussing it and we think it's best if you stayed with Kai."

"No."

Tyson frowned. "… no?"

"I can manage on my own, Tyson. I'm not a child."

Footsteps appeared and Tyson looked up. "I'll let you battle this out."

I watched as Tyson stood up and suddenly Kai took his place. My heart jolted and I looked away from him.

Kai sighed. "Hilary…"

"I don't want to hear it, Kai. I'd like you to leave me alone."

"Hilary." This time his voice was more stern, so stern that my head turned to look at him. "Stop it. You need to listen to us."

"Kai, I'm fine."

"Damnit Hilary you are not fine! You almost died. Stop being so stubborn."

I felt the tears well up and I went to turn my head but Kai grabbed my hand. "I wanted to kiss you but I couldn't. I couldn't because you're just recovering from an abusive time."

My eyes snapped to his. "What?"

"I do have feelings for you Hilary which is why I will not rush anything."

My throat closed up and I was lost for words. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Don't be upset. Just trust me with this."

I nodded and squeezed his hand back. "Take me home, Kai."


	8. Read All About It

**Chapter 8 – Read All About It**

It had been 4 days since I was released from hospital. I was perched sitting up in Kai's bed reading a book whilst Kai was sleeping on the couch. No matter how hard I had tried to convince him we were adults and he could share a bed with me, he kept refusing and insisted he'd sleep on the couch. He was currently in the process of organising renovations in the spare room to convert it to a guest bedroom so I could have my own room.

I let out a yawn and closed my book, marking the page and placed it on the bed side table. I glanced at the time, 10:45pm, and flicked off the light and snuggled into the spare pillow and shifted myself to get comfortable. It wasn't long before my eyes started to droop and I fell into the dream world.

* * *

Matt stood over me laughing mercilessly at me whilst I was covered in blood. He kept repeating over and over taunts. I cried, screaming for mercy.

"Matt, please stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, I love you. Don't hurt me."

"You're pathetic, Hilary." He laughed again and lifted up a knife, plunging it into me. I screamed.

* * *

I awoke and sat up in the bed, clutching my stomach. The pain was intense and I had tears rolling down my eyes. I tried to yell out to Kai but as I did, a wave of pain hit me and I crumbled over whining. I placed my hand on the blankets and realised with a shock they were damp. Something was wrong.

Mustering up the strength, I screamed out.

"Kai! Help!"

It didn't take long; maybe 10-15 seconds before the door clung open and Kai barrelled in and flicked on the lights. I blinked a few times to adjust the new light before flinging back the blankets and staring in horror at the bed. I was sitting in a pool of fluid, blood and water. Kai took one look before reaching for the phone and dialling emergency services.

"I need an ambulance, NOW. My friend is pregnant and looks like she's gone into labour." I heard him pause. "No, she's not. She's 5 months."

He came over and put one hand on my arm and the other on my back and began rubbing soothing circles. "It's going to be okay, Hils. The paramedics are on their way."

My mind was in a blur. I was stupid, yes but not entirely naïve. Something wasn't right and I let out a yelp as another wave of pain hit me. I gripped the sheets and my knuckles went white from the intensity. I let out a ragged breath.

"Kai, what's happening? I'm scared."

Kai didn't answer. He merely stood there and brushed my hair from my sweaty face. He heard a knock at the door and took one look at me, straight in the eyes. "It's going to be okay." He sprinted from the room and I heard him open the door and began talking to the paramedics. I couldn't make out the words but it wasn't long before the room was occupied by two tall males in blue uniforms.

"Okay Hilary, we're going to get you onto the stretcher. Take a deep breath." I whined as I was lifted onto the cold stretcher and I glanced desperately at Kai. He reached over and grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze before I was wheeled away to the ambulance with Kai in toe.

* * *

The pain was getting worse. I couldn't stop screaming. I had doctors and nurses surrounding me. Kai wasn't allowed in the room and I knew he'd be pacing the waiting room in a panic. I needed him here. I wanted him here.

The doctor grabbed my shoulder and forced me to look him in the eyes.

"Hilary, you're in labour. I need you to start pushing when I tell you."

Labour? No! I wasn't in labour. I still had 4 months to go. I wasn't prepared. This wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't really get an option as the doctor ordered me to push and I let out a scream as I felt a pain I had never experience before take over my body. I had barely caught my breath when the doctor repeated his orders. I pushed and felt a release and suddenly my body felt drained. I fell back against the pillow and stared at the roof, black spots coming in and out of my vision. I heard a machine start screeching and I felt like I was floating whilst I heard yelling from the others in the room and that slowly began fading out until… nothing.

* * *

I heard beeping and my first thought was my alarm was going off for work. I groaned and went to reach my arm out to turn it off when I discovered two things; I couldn't lift my arm very well and I felt a hand gently push my arm back down.

I fluttered my eyes open and looked around and face Tyson, Max and Ray sitting next to me. I smiled at them. "Hey guys. What's going on? What are you doing here? I need to go to work."

Tyson gave me a confused look. "You don't have work, Hils…". Suddenly Maxie burst into tears and ran out of the room. I looked at Ray in panic and confusion. "Is he okay? What happened?"

Ray leant forward and took my hand in his. "What's the last thing you remember, Hil?" I thought hard but nothing came to mind. I felt groggy, like I'd had a big night at the pub. I tried to sit up but my body slummed back. I realised I was really weak. I thought hard again. I suddenly remembered the pain, the intensity, the fear. I shook my head and looked around the room before finally realising I was in a hospital bed. I forced myself to sit up, against the protests of Tyson and Ray. I lifted my hand and observed the IV drip connected to my hand and moved the blankets and stared at my nearly flat stomach. The boys went quiet whilst I just stared. Memories of the flashing red and blue lights came back and I looked at Ray in question.

"Ray, what happened? Fuck sake, someone tell me what's going on!" My screaming must have alerted a nurse because the door opened and a middle aged woman popped her head in and strolled into the room. "Hilary, it's good to see you're awake. How do you feel?"

I ignored her question. "Tell me where my baby is." I saw the nurse look at Tyson and Ray and the boys nodded slightly before standing up.

"We'll be back, Hils. We love you."

The nurse pressed a button on her pager and I let out a frustrated groan before the door reopened and a doctor I briefly recognised walked in. He stood next to me and placed his clip board down. "How are you feeling, Hilary?"

I let out a frustrated growl. "I swear if someone doesn't tell me soon what is happening I will go psycho crazy."

The nurse grabbed my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic squeeze. I gave her a confused glance and looked at the doctor. The doctor looked at his clip board before looking at me in such a way I felt my heard drop straight away. Oh no…

"You suffered from Post-traumatic stress disorder. The severity of it caused you to go into premature labour. Unfortunately due to your recent injuries, we nearly lost you."

My body felt numb and I felt the words slip from my lips, barely more than a whisper.

"My daughter…"

The doctor pursed his lips before placing his hand over mine. "I'm very sorry, Hilary. We couldn't save her."

_Couldn't save her… couldn't save her… couldn't save her… _

It hit me like a train and I fell forward and wept. My whole world came crashing down and I couldn't stop the pain inside my chest as I just cried controllably. I didn't hear the door open or notice the doctor and nurse leave. I didn't notice the 4 boys surround me until I was pulled into a massive hug. Through the tears I noticed Tyson, Ray, Max and Kenny standing by my sides. All of them had tears rolling down their faces too which caused me to cry even harder. Nothing was said as we just stood there; our team; usually so strong and powerful, broken and defeated.


End file.
